How to Kiss a French Person

It’s one of the French customs that mystifies foreigners: les bises (also called bisous). This is where French people kiss each other on the cheek. When do you do it? How do you do it? How many times?

Let’s learn about this French social custom.

The History of Les Bises

Les bises go back to the days of the Roman Empire. The basium, or kiss on the cheek, was a common greeting. This explains why the custom exists in France and other parts of the former empire, such as Switzerland and North Africa.


In France, the popularity of les bises has waxed and waned over the years. It understandably fell out of favor during the time of the Black Death, only to be revived during the French Revolution, with its spirit of freedom and liberty. Les bises then lost favor during the Victorian period, when public prudishness took hold across much of the Western world. After World War II, they had become uncommon but were then revived surprisingly: by the events surrounding May 1968.

May 68 is sometimes remembered as a period of strikes and public demonstrations that almost brought down the French government. But it was also when the hippies flourished, desiring to throw off the constricting social norms of the day. This new spirit of freedom led to a revival of les bises, which continues to this day, though with Covid it has declined somewhat in work environments.

When Do You Give Les Bises?

Les bises are given in greeting and when parting. Women exchange them, men and women exchange them, and men sometimes exchange them, if they are family or good friends and depending on the region.

How Do You Give Les Bises?

Despite appearances, people do not actually kiss each other on the cheek. It is more a case of brushing each other’s cheeks while forming a kiss with the mouth. So, this makes les bises something between a Hollywood air kiss, where two people might be an inch or two away from each other, and actual kisses on the cheek.

How Many Times Do You Give Les Bises?

This can vary due to several factors, like the region of France, family traditions, and the age of the people involved. But geography provides a handy guide in many situations.

As you can see from the picture below, two bises are typically exchanged in most of France. In much of the south three bises are most common (as they are in Switzerland) and in parts of western France people exchange four bises.

…And then there is Finistère. In this westernmost region of Brittany, there is only one!

Perhaps the good people of Finistère are standoffish. Or maybe they are trying to hurry up the sometimes-interminable process of greeting each person at a large gathering, then saying goodbye to each of them again upon leaving.

No one quite knows why these regional differences exist, but some speculate that three bises are exchanged in the south because it was once a stronghold of Protestantism, and three represents the holy trinity.

Which Cheek Do You Start With?

Again, there are regional differences, with the people of northern France preferring the right cheek and those of the south preferring the left. But this also comes down to personal preference, so it may be best to let the other person start, and then follow their lead.

You definitely want to avoid a case of you going right, them going left, and ending up with a kiss on the lips!


Do you have any anecdotes about your la bise stories?


 

Image Credits:
Alain Delon: Wikipedia, public domain
Roman woman: Wikipedia, Creative Commons License, attribution Luis Garcia
May 68 poster: Wikipedia, public domain
Kissing map: combiendebises.free.fr
Right or left map: Mathieu Avanzi via Twitter

Further Reading:
A Guide to the French Kiss


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About the Contributor

Keith Van Sickle

I am a lifelong traveler who lives part of the year in Provence. I am the author of An Insider’s Guide to Provence, Are We French Yet and One Sip at a Time, all available at Amazon. You can follow me on Facebook,  Twitter and keithvansickle.com.

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