QUEL SCANDALE!

Take One: cancelled

The first State Visit to France by the newly crowned British royal couple was planned for May. But France was convulsed by mass protests against a planned increase to the national retirement age for the state pension. And demonstrators had threatened mass disruptions. French trade unions even warned that no one would be around to arrange the ‘red carpets, flags, and furniture’ for the public buildings the royals would be visiting. ‘What? No red carpet? No flags? Can’t have that. Let’s call the whole thing off.’

And so it was, but, at the time, commentators saw this as a let-off for royal public relations. The ‘optics’ were difficult to explain.

Just imagine the contrast: a skyrocketing cost of living crisis in both countries. Long queues outside UK food banks, parents having to decide between heating and eating. While a crowd of blue-bloods was scoffing sumptuous food. And swilling eye-wateringly expensive alcohol in the sumptuous Hall of Mirrors at the Palace of Versailles.

Jump to 20 September 2023.

Take Two: A banquet Fit for Kings at the Chateau de Versailles.

The difficult ‘optics’ for the royal couple’s second shot at visiting France were still obvious.

The President of the Rich, as Macron is known to many, was playing host to King Charlie and his wife on their first State Visit. No expense was spared in a staggeringly extravagant display of how the upper crust lives.

Among the 150-plus guests was a host of stellar celebrities, including:

• movie heartthrob Hugh Grant,
• actor Charlotte Gainsbourg,
• pop star Mick Jagger,
• Didier Drogba, the once-voted Chelsea star striker,
• and the world’s richest person, Bernard Arnault.

And all this carry-on was supported by countless equerries, secretaries, advisors, ladies in waiting, skivvies, servants, and other hangers-on.

The State Visit was planned as a gesture of friendship from Britain after the rocky road to Brexit. And both countries do pomp and ceremony well. Military bands and parades at the Arc de Triomphe. Adult and children’s choirs. And yes, that sounded like someone shouting:

Vive le Roi!”

But the flypast by crack fighter pilots from both countries left bright red, white, and blue vapour trails of jet engine emissions across the skies of Paris. And, shhh, don’t mention it, we don’t want any greenie credentials tarnished, but Charlie’s Bentley was shipped over just in case there was a taxi strike.

Relations aprés Brexit

Inter-country relations dropped like a stone after the UK cast itself adrift from the European Union. There were bitter rows over fishing rights and refugees. And short-lived PM, Liz Truss really put her foot in it when she said the “jury is out” on whether Macron was a friend or a foe of Britain.

But, as the state visit shows, they’ve kissed and made up now and the Entente cordiale is back on track.

Versailles

Back at Versailles, a sixty-foot-long seating arrangement was used, allowing everyone to be seated ‘at the King’s table’. The menu highlights included blue lobster and potted crab with a hint of fresh almonds and mint. The main course was Bresse chicken with corn and a porcini mushroom gratin, followed by a set of three hand-picked cheeses — two French and one English. The pud, Isfahan Macaroon, was concocted by a specialist dessert chef. (One can’t help wondering what they were eating in the scruffy parts of Seine-Saint-Denis and the derelict bits of Barking & Dagenham that night.)

The Hall of Mirrors in the Palace of Versailles has reflected some of France’s — and the world’s — most important moments. It’s now a museum, but it’s still used by French presidents to host anyone they want to impress.

• The World War I peace treaty (the one that would end all wars) was signed there in 1919. Enough said about that.
• In the post-WWII years, President Charles de Gaulle used the Hall to host John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon.
• Socialist president Francois Mitterrand was there to welcome Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev to France.
• Nicolas Sarkozy and Francois Hollande used Versailles to entertain Libyan leader Gaddafi and Chinese President Xi Jinping.
• And in 2017, President Macron welcomed, wait for it, none other than President Putin. But that was before Russia’s invasion of Ukraine turned him into a leper very few will deal with.

Reading the tea leaves

Dates are always important, and anyone who likes to read things into what tea leaves in cups have to say about them should note the following.

On 20 September 1792, just over 220 years before Charley 3 and Emmanuel and their vast entourages got stuck into their grub at Versailles, the French Army defeated the Prussian army that was marching on Paris. The battle took place at the tiny village of Valmy, in Champagne-Ardenne. This unexpected victory encouraged the French National Convention to establish the French Republic and to officially abolish the monarchy. Many historians believe the ripple effect resulting from the French victory helped to spread revolutionary principles and the concept of civil and human rights across Europe — and beyond. And many commentators believe this makes the victory at Valmy one of the most important battles in history.

Enfin, l’addition s’il vous plaît. What about the bill?

So what did this obscenely money-wasting show-off exhibitionism cost when it was all over? That’s easy to answer: mountains and mountains of money. No one knows exactly how much. And no one seems to care. But, “Who paid?” you may well ask. That’s easy — we did. The great unwashed taxpayers in both countries.

Vive le Roi. Vive La Republique! Vive La France! And, whatever you might be eating tonight, bon appétit!

Image credits:
1. Royal visit 2023 via  Royal.uk website
2. At Versaille via Instagram @franceinaustralia
3. Hall of Mirror state banquet at Versaille copyright Photoshot/picture alliance via DM
4. link to video of the Flypast via Instagram @EmmanuelMacron
5. Charlotte Gainsbourg arriving at State Banquet – clip from video AFP

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Merci Mille Fois